Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
