I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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