My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i black out too much to be "responsible"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
