Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
