What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
