I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
