Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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