Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
