Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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