I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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