Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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