All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
