if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
