i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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