At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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