Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
