Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
