Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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