Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize