You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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