There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
