I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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