My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
