WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
