Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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