I got chris browned last night
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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