Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
