So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Non-Jews are for practice
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
