What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
