You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
