Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
