I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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