I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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