you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
