Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
