he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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