connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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