I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
