The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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