like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
