i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize