I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
