Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
