GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
