How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
as a side note pls kill me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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