Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
