we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
