He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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