also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
