Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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