He uses pillows to masturbate.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
