Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
