I hope mine doesn't look like that
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
