You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
