i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
