allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Mom said you looked used
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
