Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize