just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
