Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
