He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
