turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
