apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize