I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
