people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
