I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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