At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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