Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
