Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
