You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
