Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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