Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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